free yourSelf from the prison of 'have to'
on conditioning and the 'Not-Self' in Human Design
De-conditioning in Human Design is how we free ourSelves from the accumulated debris of others' expectations.
It's a process of energetic clearing that leads us back home to our core Self.
Projection … or protection?
Our Not-Self is who we "think" we're supposed to be when we are living life from our minds, from logic - instead of from our heart’s wisdom, our embodied bone-knowing.
Our Not-Self is the version of us that we created to protect our tender inner Selves, as we felt the pressing weight of others' expectations - the worldly pull to be who we’re not.
This version of you is worthy of love and acceptance - but she shouldn’t be running the show.
Conditioning is happening all the time as we take in the energies of the world and the auras of those around us - and we also condition others, just by being present. No being is an island - we have impact on each other.
Conditioning is inevitable - and it can be useful and supportive for us!
...but it can also get in the way of our authentic Self-expression if we cannot discern our conditioning from our core Self, our identity, our own inner compass and truth.
Living from our Not-Self lets us feel safe, like we belong - but it also creates resistance within us ... which interferes with our ability to express our true, natural frequency of love, light, and joy.
Our Not-Self can be thought of as the behaviours that arise within us when we try to function in ways that actively go against our design.
For Manifestors, this may look like like staying quiet, downplaying their ‘muchness’, playing it safe, or asking for permission - but deep down there’s anger - at situations, at life, at the Self.
For Generators (or ManiGens), this may look like striving and pushing hard against limits, or trying to initiate projects single-handedly, then feeling frustrated and beholden to follow through on projects that feel like they’ve gone sideways.
For Projectors, this can look like people-pleasing, or a fervent desperation to do more and more, in hopes of being seen and recognized and finally granted a mere sliver of the success they secretly crave.
For Reflectors, this can look like all of the above, trying to copy others in an effort to pin down their mutable nature, which is designed to be free, fluid, and illuminating for others…not written in invisible ink and forgotten.
Our Not-Self may also be the ‘human suit’ we put on to function in our job, role, relationships, society - to conform to the expectations of others.
It functions like a mask that we use to hide from ourSelves - but this can be exhausting and tedious, because the older we get, the louder and more insistent the call from our inner psyche becomes, that says you are not meant to live like this!
Dropping the masks and living deliberately is a process - it takes time, many years - and it’s often one of the scariest things we can choose to do. This is why it’s crucial to have a strategy for processing our fears.
Richard Rudd describes the Self as “your true behavioural nature that emerges without resistance into the world.” I love this contemplation…
Who would you be, and how would you live, if you knew - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that the world and every single person in it was utterly accepting and appreciative of who and how you are?
Who would you be, and what would you do with your one precious life - if you were utterly free of the expectations of others, and free of the narratives you’ve accepted that define what it means to be ‘good’…’lovable’…or ’safe’.
When we begin to trust our embodied, heart-and-soul truth, when we feel into our Authority and quit living solely from logic, we start to realize all the ways that we've been limiting ourSelves. Then, instead of living reactively - without conscious choice - we can live deliberately - with clarity and purpose.
This allows us to become aware of our patterns and habits - and awareness is the first step toward conscious growth and change.
Human Design give us language to put around the various expressions of those energies—whether supportive or dissonant—so we can choose to embody our innate, signature frequencies of peace and freedom {Manifestors}, deep satisfaction {Generators + ManiGens}, success and flow {Projectors}, or delight and surprise {Reflectors}.
We can choose to respond … instead of react.
Human Design frees us from the prison of "have to".
It’s a wonderful tool that helps us expand our awareness, so we can start noticing how our conditioning - from childhood, from our relationships and lived experiences, from our environment - impacts us.
We always have the power to choose the lenses we interpret our lives and ourSelves thru - and one of the most empowering choices we can make is to uncloud our vision from the limits that we’ve unconsciously accepted from others.
—so now we have a choice in front of us—
Do we react from a place of fear and pain, or do we act from a place of love, empathy, and healthy self-boundaries? Which one feels more liberating to you?
We can theoretically choose whatever we want - but it’s worth really digging deep into what (or who) is really driving your choices.
There’s an excellent class on this topic called Choosing Your Importances, by Inelia Benz (get it here).
Learning about your Human Design can also help you recognize the Not-Self behaviours that are creating resistance and false ‘have-to’s’ in your life.
If you’ve read this far, thanks for spending some time with me!
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