'mama, i'm bored.' (what's really going on when your kids say this)
‘Bored.’
There may be several things going on when your kids say this.
Maybe they've recently come out of an environment where they were micromanaged and directed by others (i.e. school, daycare, even some co-ops are like this...bossy friends or siblings who directed their play, ha)...
If that’s the case, they may be having trouble connecting to the part of their own mind and heart where inspiration comes from.
Take a moment to talk with them.
Ask them if they want to be inside or outside.
Ask them if they want to move their bodies or be still.
Maybe they're looking for an opening to talk with you about something that they're upset about, and just need a minute to connect.
Let them know that you're happy to help them solve the problem, IF they want help solving it.
I actually do NOT believe that it’s your responsibility to entertain your child 24/7 - but if it's really just your company that they want--make a point to have dedicated time with them, without your phone in hand.
If they're coming to unschooling after a period of more authoritarian parenting, then they may be full of ideas, but are unsure about whether or not it's safe to act on them without getting in trouble.
For example, they might want to create the most epic blanket fort ever, but last time they did that, you got mad about them knocking things over and using too much duct tape.
So, ask them what they'd want to do if they could do ANYTHING they wanted!
They might tell you they want to smash eggs all over the sidewalk. Okay...so maybe you can supply them with a plastic bowl full of icecubes instead, and/or make sure it's clear that they aim at the concrete and not the glass/car/dog!
I personally dislike seeing food waste, but then again, eggs are relatively cheap. Maybe you have a dog that would be only too happy to clean up that mess?
You do you, I'm not judging.
Maybe they want to repaint their room. Okay....maybe you can plan for that, or maybe not.
Dig deeper. Ask why.
Do they want to have more control over their room decor, or do they just want a giant paint canvas?
If it's the latter, you can set them up with tempera paint and a dropcloth in front of the patio glass door.
If it's the former, then maybe they want to browse pinterest next to you, looking up different room decor ideas and making notes of what's possible to do eventually.
Finally, ‘bored’ might really just mean, ‘I miss you.’
We're super-busy as parents--many of us work (both at home and away from home), and our phone notifications are too often demanding our attn away from being fully present with our kids.
We can talk about love languages all day, but for little ones, TIME is most often how they spell LOVE.
Time and physical presence are so much more important than expensive outings or gaming systems or dinners out.
Some of my teens' fondest childhood memories are of times that *I* look back on and cringe, because we were struggling so hard.
They remember the lopsided homemade pizzas, the borrowed DVD movies, and cuddling in a pile on the living room floor (because we had no couches back then).
If the people in your world are trying to make you feel bad because your child isn't in four different classes and lessons each week, and says he's ‘bored’ at least once a day....you're doing just fine, mama.
Boredom can lead to inspiration.
It can nurture creativity--just make sure you're providing guidance on what they CAN do, offering help where you can/where you're willing to (within reason), and spending quality time with them doing what they really want to do--even if that's watching minecraft parody videos together or listening to them tell you all the jokes they made up (that only sort of have punchlines...)
And also....Don't listen to those people anymore.
Seriously.
Tell them ‘Thanks for your concern! It's not needed here!’
You don't owe anybody an explanation of how you're raising your kids, or why your priorities differ.
I have zero patience for that shit in my life.
Smile, nod, move on - if they won't stop bringing it up, either get great at changing the subject, or quit spending so much time with those people.
Life's way too short to spend time nurturing the naysayers.
homebirth + human design: RethinkBirth.com
Read more here (even about how to deal with naysayers!):
- The Unschooling Collection -